Love & Loss (The Austin Series) Read online

  ‘Take that back!’ I uttered, mortified. I loved my sister, but even she’d admit that she wasn’t exactly the life and soul of a party.

  ‘Whenever you get too serious from now on I’m going to call you Georgie,’ she laughed.

  ‘Fine, I’ll call you … lesbian loving arse licking cat woman.’

  ‘I could so pull off that cat woman costume.’

  ‘You could. Who would I be as a super heroine?’

  ‘Wonder Woman or Lara Croft. So when are you seeing your Prince Charming again?’

  ‘I’ll stay with him Sunday night if you don’t mind?’

  ‘Of course not. So did you talk or shag it out?’ she asked with a raised eyebrow.

  ‘Talked,’ I sighed as I headed into the bathroom and dumped my toiletries. ‘He’s still insistent on us having no sex, which is seriously frustrating. I swear I’m re-virginising as we speak, I can feel myself healing over and cobwebs forming. When he gets down there again it will be like an archaeologist hacking through the bush to discover a hidden temple for the first time in centuries.’

  ‘Indiana Jones and the Temple of Womb,’ laughed Lexi.

  ‘Or Lara Croft Womb Raider,’ I giggled. ‘So as I can’t have sex, I’m going to eat instead, like a bulimic pig at an all you can eat truffle buffet, though without the unpleasant vomiting after. The more fattening and stodgy the food the better.’

  ‘It’s a health spa, isn’t it all carrot juice and salads?’

  ‘If it is I’m either heading down to that coffee shop and buying the entire carrot cake I saw earlier or we’re going to ring the nearest Domino’s pizza for room service.’

  ‘Excellent,’ she grinned. ‘Well I brought supplies just in case.’ She leapt off the bed and opened her case and I burst out laughing. She had two bottles of Zinfandel, two huge bars of Dairy Milk chocolate, a large bag of Jelly Belly’s and a tear and share brioche stuffed in amongst her clothes. ‘Be just like a midnight feast at Rowleys.’

  ‘Without getting caught and put on detention,’ I reminded her. ‘This is totally legit.’

  ‘I hope it is, we don’t want to get kicked out of a spa. Not this spa anyway.’

  ‘Come on, you’ll have to wait to unpack, I need food. Like now.’ I quickly stripped down to my underwear and put on the complimentary dressing gown and slippers and Lexi did the same. We headed down to the lunch buffet and gorged on beautiful fresh salmon, new potatoes and salad, rounded off with fruit and yogurt for pudding and plenty of water. I was still feeling a little dehydrated from boozing last night. We went back to the room and checked our treatment schedule, Gabe had gone all out. At three o’clock we had frangipani body scrubs, followed by frangipani wraps. Saturday morning we had deluxe facials followed by full body massages. Saturday afternoon we had deluxe mani pedi’s and Sunday morning Indian head massages followed by a deep conditioning hair treatment and wash and blow dry. I rang down to book in a spray tan on Saturday afternoon too, I need a bit of colour back, but Lexi said she was fine without.

  ‘Christ he’s going all out on the apology front,’ nodded Lexi as she scanned our timetable.

  ‘I appreciate the gesture and it’s going to be amazing, but I wish he didn’t spend so much money on me.’

  ‘That can go on your list, but for now, get your sexy arse in a bikini, let’s go swim before our bodies are all buffed, smooth and beautifully oiled. We can have some wine as we get ready for dinner, then come back for chocolate and “Operation Austin” deal breakers.’

  Deal Breakers

  Riley picked us up, exactly as promised at five o’clock. We’d had an amazing weekend and I was already feeling less stressed. We’d both caught up on some overdue sleep, gossiped and had laughed until we cried. My skin was glowing and golden, my face and eyes had a bit of life back in them and my hair was lustrous after the deep condition and shine treatment. I sent Gabe a text from the car.

  Just leaving, see you in about an hour? Thanks again, we’ve had an amazing time, but I’m so looking forward to seeing you xx

  I can’t wait to see you too. I’ve saved you some roast chicken to put in a bread sauce sandwich when you get back. Love you G xx

  ‘See you in English tomorrow?’ asked Lexi as we pulled up at the apartment.

  ‘For sure, I had a great time Lex.’

  ‘Me too. I’ll ring Gabe to say thanks when I get upstairs.’

  ‘You ok for food tonight?’

  ‘Yes, but tomorrow we could probably do with getting some milk and bread and stuff for the rest of the week.’

  ‘Leave it with me. See you Lex.’

  ‘See you Mia.’

  I closed my eyes as we headed off, willing the journey to be over, and I only opened them as I heard the crunch of gravel. When we pulled up at Gabe’s front door, he was standing waiting for me. Riley had barely opened my door when I leapt out and ran to Gabe, jumped up onto his hips and wrapped my arms around his neck, nearly bowling him over as I kissed him passionately, not caring about his rules. There had to be limits, with the exception of that hour or two on Friday morning we’d been apart for nearly a week.

  ‘Hmmm wow,’ he sighed as his arms tightened around me and he looked at me slightly stunned.

  ‘Hmmm,’ I grinned. ‘I missed you.’

  ‘So I see. You’re not very good at this no kissing rule are you?’

  ‘No. Are you cross with me?’

  ‘No, but just because kissing’s back on the menu don’t think everything else is.’

  ‘I know,’ I sighed heavily. When would it be back on the menu? I wanted him so badly and I could feel his erection pressing against my clit, our jeans struggling to maintain the barrier between us. He set me down and went to speak to Riley and took my small case from him. I waved goodbye and Gabe nodded for me to head in and deposited the case at the foot of the stairs.

  ‘Come here,’ he ordered holding out his arms and I went straight into them and looked up at him smiling. ‘You look amazing. Your hair’s so shiny, you have some colour and your skin’s so soft,’ he murmured as he ran a finger down my cheek.

  ‘You spoilt us Gabe. It must have cost you a fortune, I tried to pay for our treatments, but they refused saying you’d given them strict instructions.’

  ‘It was my apology to you and Lexi. I wanted you to both have some quality time together and to try and help you unwind. Doug said you’ve been a wreck all week and you looked so tired and ill on Thursday night. You’re looking so much better.’

  ‘I am because we’re speaking again Gabe. The treatments and some lovely food and wine have helped as well. What can I do to thank you?’

  ‘Not what you’d like to do Mia, but it will make me happy to see you eating again. You’ve definitely lost weight, it really upset me when I saw you on Thursday. So I’ll make your sandwich and there’s some Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer. What would you like to do this evening?’ I looked up at him through my lashes and he shook his head. ‘Not that.’

  ‘Is your dad joining us?’

  ‘No, he said he’d let us have the night to ourselves.’

  ‘Then can we light a fire and have our serious discussion? If we get it out of the way we can snuggle in front of the TV.’

  ‘Sure baby,’ he kissed my forehead and led me into the kitchen. As I ate he sat smiling with a hand on the back of my neck, rubbing it as he watched me.

  ‘Why do you love watching me eat so much?’ I mumbled through a mouthful.

  ‘You always look so happy and content, I like seeing you like that.’

  ‘You know what else makes me happy and content?’

  ‘I do, very happy and content, but I’m still not doing it baby. Have you had your hair cut again?’

  ‘Just a trim.’ I watched him carefully as I chewed, he had a crease in his forehead, bordering on a full on frown. He closed his eyes and pursed his lips as he sucked in a breath, blew it out, then looked at me and kissed my forehead. I carried on eating wondering if he was actually goi
ng to say anymore, but he didn’t. When I was done he handed me my tub of ice cream, took my free hand and led me to the lounge. I curled up in the corner eating as I watched him bending over lighting the fire, dressed in his dark grey sweats and a cream long sleeved t-shirt, which clung to his muscular frame. It was seven days since I’d seen the perfect body concealed beneath them, I’d never have imagined I’d have ever been so desperate for sex before I met him, but just looking at him did things to me.

  ‘I can feel you undressing me with your eyes baby,’ he laughed as he turned around. I watched his eyes narrow and darken as I deliberately sucked on my teaspoon.

  ‘It’s good ice cream,’ I protested as he scowled at me.

  ‘I know what you’re trying to do Mia, we agreed you wouldn’t pressure me. I’m not finding it easy either. I’ve had bloody wet dreams every night since we’ve been apart, sex is all I can think about.’

  ‘You’re just so hot and you look so bad boy sexy with your scar, black eye and bruises,’ I sighed. He climbed up and slid behind me on the sofa pulling me back onto his chest and kissed my neck.

  ‘I just hope the bruises have gone when I come to meet your parents, I want to make a good impression. That’s assuming I’m still invited?’

  ‘Of course you are.’

  ‘You didn’t tell your mum about our fight?’ He sounded surprised.

  ‘I don’t tell her everything Gabe or she’d worry herself to death. Is Doug coming?’

  ‘Yes, he’s booked into the local B&B. Do you think I should stay there too?’

  ‘No. It’s hard enough to sneak you in my room when you’re already in the house let alone if you’re outside. So are we going to have our serious chat? I want it out of the way so we can move on.’

  ‘Ok let me go and get my list.’

  ‘Do you need a hand to carry it? Or maybe a fork lift truck?’

  ‘It’s not that big Mia,’ he laughed. I pulled mine out of my back pocket and took a deep breath, hoping that this wasn’t going to make things worse, or set him off again. He smiled as he returned and sat facing me, one leg tucked up under him and we just sat looking at each other.

  ‘Someone needs to go first,’ I whispered, breaking the silence.

  ‘Then you start, I think your list will be bigger than mine.’

  ‘Gabe don’t look so nervous, we’re negotiating terms that’s all, we’re not going to argue and I’m not going to walk out ok?’

  ‘What if we can’t agree on things that are important to us?’

  ‘Let’s discuss them first, we might not even get to that stage. Ok I’ll start with an easy one. Money.’

  ‘What about it?’

  ‘I’m not comfortable you spending so much on me.’

  ‘Still?’ he uttered. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because you don’t need to. I told you I’m happy without all of the expensive meals and weekend treats, much as I’ve loved them and I think you’re sweet for doing them, they’re unnecessary.’

  ‘Well I can’t compromise on that Mia. It’s not expensive to me, I can afford it and I shouldn’t need permission to spend my own money how I want,’ he stated firmly. I sighed and twisted my rings on my finger. I had more important points on my list to battle than risk him getting cross over this.

  ‘Fine, but I want it on record that I’m not with you because of your money.’

  ‘I already know that Mia. Point two?’

  ‘I am your girlfriend, you know that right?’ I asked and he nodded with a puzzled frown. ‘Just making it clear that we are a couple Gabe, but that doesn’t give you the right to tell me how to dress or what I can or can’t do with my hair.’

  ‘But I love your long hair.’

  ‘It’s still long Gabe, but sometimes if it’s in bad condition I need a few inches off to let it grow again and I don’t want to worry that you’re going to go mad again and keep bringing it up weeks down the line.’

  ‘Promise you won’t go short?’

  ‘At this moment in time I only want long hair Gabe, but I may want to go short one day and that’s my decision to make. You should love me for me, not my hair.’

  ‘Fine,’ he sighed.

  ‘Clothes too?’

  ‘I’m not comfortable with you going out in skimpy clothes without me Mia.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I don’t want men thinking you’re available.’

  ‘And you think I look more available in a mini skirt or low cut top?’

  ‘Yes,’ he answered without hesitation.

  ‘But I’m not. I’m with you.’

  ‘They don’t know that.’

  ‘They will when they make a pass at me and I say no.’

  ‘Mia,’ he sighed and rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes.

  ‘I trust you not to cheat on me Gabe, I trust that you love me enough not to. I’m asking you to do the same.’

  ‘I don’t want to give men any more incentive to come onto you.’

  ‘Gabe, men came onto me all the time before we were together, it’s not going to stop. The only thing that’s different is I’m not interested, I love you. A couple of undone buttons or inches off my skirt doesn’t change that.’

  ‘Then why do it? Why not just dress more conservatively without me?’

  ‘Because I like to feel sexy Gabe, it gives me a boost of confidence to know I’m appealing to other guys and an even bigger boost to know that you’re at home waiting for me. You’re my perfect package, trust me that I can handle unwanted attention.’

  ‘This is really important to you.’ He stated it, didn’t question it.

  ‘Yes. I can’t lose myself by being with you Gabe, I still need to be me.’

  ‘Fine but I can’t promise not to pass comment if I don’t approve.’

  ‘As long as it doesn’t turn into a sulk or an argument, I can handle a comment or two,’ I nodded.

  ‘What else?’

  ‘There’s only two more things.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Yes, I had a big list to start with, but as Lexi and I talked them through over the weekend I realised some were petty, so we narrowed it down to these four key points. Why are you looking surprised?’

  ‘I figured it would be a massive list given the way I’ve been.’

  ‘Gabe it’s not an exercise in pointing out each other’s worst traits, it’s our deal breakers. These four things are areas that could affect me wanting to stay with you, regardless of how much I love you. That’s why there’s only four of them, the rest I’ll handle as no relationship can be perfect all the time. We’re still going to argue now and then, but it can’t be about these things, not for me anyway.’

  ‘Ok, hit me with the last two.’

  ‘My friends are important to me Gabe. If I make plans with them I can’t have you stopping me from meeting them, or turning up and spoiling my night, that’s unacceptable to me.’

  ‘I get that,’ he sighed. ‘I know I’ve been unreasonable wanting you with me all the time.’

  ‘So we’re not going to fight about me wanting time out again?’

  ‘As long as we spend important occasions together and you don’t spring a last minute outing with your friends on me I’ll deal with that.’

  ‘Great, easier than I thought, but be clear this is one of my strict non-negotiable terms Gabe.’

  ‘Does it include him?’ he asked quietly as he kept his gaze down on his hands. I didn’t even have to ask who, I knew.

  ‘Milo’s my friend, nothing has happened with him, nothing ever will and I still want to see him. You have no reason to be jealous of him Gabe, he’s like a brother.’

  ‘Mia I …’ he stopped and covered his face completely with his hands. I could hear him breathing slowly in and out, as if trying to maintain a level of calm. I said nothing, what more could I say that I hadn’t already? It was ages before he removed his hands and looked at me. ‘I’m not happy about it Mia, I trust you, but I don’t trust him. There’s something a
bout him that I just can’t explain, but I guess I’m going to have to try and deal with that. I’d prefer knowing in advance that you’re meeting him and I want to know where you are with him at all times.’

  ‘If I do that will you try and be a bit nicer to him?’

  ‘Don’t push it Mia,’ he snapped as he flashed me my first glare. ‘I’m not comfortable you seeing him at all, don’t ask me to like the fucker,’ he growled and it was my turn to deep breathe to stop myself biting back.

  ‘So we’re agreed?’

  ‘I thought you might bring him up so I’ll agree on one condition.’

  ‘What?’ I sighed.

  ‘You’re never alone with him. I want you in public places only like the gym, or the student bar or cafeteria. Never on your own.’ He had his don’t fuck with me voice on, which was seriously infuriating, yet at the same time really hot. Sometimes I loved his dominant side, but only when it was about something I already agreed with. I sighed and nodded my head.

  ‘Ok, I can live with that. Thank you, I know that can’t have been easy for you.’

  ‘It’s not Mia, it’s the one fucking thing I didn’t want you to ask me to do, but if it’s a choice of conceding or losing you then I don’t have a choice.’

  ‘Gabe I promise I have been creeped out by loads of guys over the years, but I’ve never had that vibe from him. I’d go so far as to say after you and Doug, I feel safer with him than anyone.’

  ‘Not reassuring me Mia. I don’t need a reminder that if I fuck up he’s the guy who’ll you’ll turn to and end up bloody dating.’

  ‘Gabe he’s not, I’m just saying you can trust him to take care of me if I’m with him.’

  ‘Well I bloody don’t. Can we move onto point four as I’m getting wound up.’

  ‘Well that actually leads nicely to it. I need you to be honest with me, tell me when you’re getting tense, if you’re upset, in pain … just talk to me. You’re my boyfriend Gabe, but it’s more than that for me. You’re like my best friend and soul mate as well and I want you to let me in and let me help you when you’re struggling or hurting.’

  ‘I’m your best friend and soul mate?’