31 Days of Winter Read online

  ‘It’s just so lovely in here, your friend has amazing taste.’

  ‘You don’t like the main house?’ Dan asked as he reached over and took an old fashioned percolator off the top of the wood burner and went to the kitchen and poured some delicious smelling coffee into a mug and gestured for me to sit on the very sofa I’d been dreaming about.

  ‘God yes, what’s not to love? It’s like something out of Home & Gardens magazine it’s so modern, it’s perfect for a family, well a couple at least, but this …’ I broke off as I looked around again. ‘It’s so romantic.’

  ‘Romantic?’ he laughed. ‘It’s tiny. Milk and sugar?’

  ‘Straight up black please, and yes romantic, it’s the perfect romantic getaway break, snuggled up in front of the fire drinking hot chocolate and making out.’ He laughed again and as he put the coffee pot back on the burner.

  ‘We do get a lot of honeymooners coming to stay, especially ones having their weddings at the luxury hotel further up the loch,’ he nodded. I looked up at the small mezzanine bedroom that was reached by the tiny ladder, how the hell did Dan climb that thing and fit up there? ‘It’s a king sized bed, it’s just the ladder and low roof that gives me trouble,’ he confirmed, making me wonder if I’d just said my thoughts out loud.

  ‘Sorry, you must think me really nosey, after all this is your home and I’m a stranger. Thank you,’ I smiled as he passed me the mug of coffee. I cradled the cup in my hands, enjoying the heat bringing them back to life.

  ‘You’re hardly a stranger. We’re on first name terms, I know the reason for your break up, that you’re beautiful and intelligent and underestimate your worth, you’ve shared your dream with me, shown me that you have a childish fun side, which I find adorable, and we’ve touched each other’s bottoms. Does that sound like strangers to you, Ellie?’ he asked with a smirk on his face and I burst out laughing.

  ‘Well when you put it like that Dan, no. But it’s all rather one sided, arse touching and first names aside. You’re also amazingly beautiful, or rather handsome and come across as very intelligent, but I don’t know your relationship status or dreams, or whether you have a fun childish side too,’ I teased, but regretted it when I saw him close off again.

  ‘I’m just the guy who’s here to make sure you’re looked after, Miss Baxter,’ he sighed. ‘You don’t need to hear my life story.’

  ‘When did we revert to Miss Baxter instead of Ellie?’ I asked, feeling slightly hurt.

  ‘When I just realised that last night you were right. I did behave inappropriately throwing you over my shoulder and calling your fiancé an arsehole, and I’ve just overstepped my bounds again. Please accept my apologies and I’ll make sure that I only act professionally around you from now on.’ He quickly stood up and his eyes went to his front door. He was signalling that he wanted me to go, which left me feeling really confused. I put down my barely touched coffee and stood up.

  ‘No, I was wrong and you were right. In my heels I’d have broken something, and my fiancé is an arsehole. Thanks for the coffee, I’m sorry I got in your way.’ I grabbed my bottle and stalked past him to his door and felt his hand tug at my arm. I looked up at him and he went to say something, then stopped himself and his hand dropped. I opened the door and started running back to the house, ignoring my aching muscles. My hands were shaking as I turned the key in the lock and I ran upstairs and threw myself on the bed, and surprised myself with a stream of tears that seemed to come from nowhere. Damn Zac and his philandering ways. I was a blubbering idiot at the moment.

  I woke myself up with a start and looked at my watch, it was nearly midday and I was still in my sticky running gear and starving. I went and had a shower, washed and carefully dried my hair and looked at my makeup box and wondered why I’d even brought it with me. I decided not to bother, I needed to forget about Zac, as well as gorgeous Dan whose moods seemed to change like the wind, and focus on myself. I dressed in some thick wool tights and a pair of denim shorts and a thick black polo neck and headed down and shoved my running gear in the washing machine. I went to the kitchen and realised I still only had the basic rations. O crap. That meant I’d have to ring him to ask him to take me shopping. I wasn’t sure I wanted to sit in the Land Rover with him after his coldness this morning, and I was equally sure that my bottom wouldn’t mind skipping another bruising. I made myself some bacon and scrambled eggs on toast and a hot coffee, wolfing them down, then picked up the phone and pressed speed dial one.

  ‘Miss Baxter, how can I help you?’ Stop being such a cold arse, I wanted to shout.

  ‘I need some food shopping, sorry.’

  ‘When would you like to go?’

  ‘I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,’ I sighed.

  ‘Not a good idea?’ he asked sounding puzzled.

  ‘I’m still sore from yesterday’s journey and the run, but I don’t feel right asking for you to go without me.’

  ‘Why not? That’s what I’m here for, to …’

  ‘Service my professional needs, yeah I got that message loud and clear,’ I confirmed with a roll of my eyes.

  ‘Have I upset you, Miss Baxter?’

  ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called, I’m fine with the supplies I have here for today, sorry to have bothered you.’ I quickly put the phone down and stamped on the floor in frustration. How was I supposed to keep it professional when all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off and I was sure deep down he wanted the same thing too. This was more frustrating than being at home and dodging Zac’s calls. I pulled out a seat at the island, and facing the door put my forehead on my arms as I tried to pull myself together. I jumped when there was a knock and looked up to see him. ‘Great,’ I muttered as I waved for him to come in.

  ‘You didn’t lock the door,’ he frowned as he stepped inside and shut it.

  ‘I hardly think some grizzly bear’s going to find his way across the loch and up to the front door, open it and then maul me to death,’ I replied, tossing just the right amount of sarcasm his way.

  ‘Well no, grizzly bears don’t live on this continent so that would be rather a miracle, but people come to the loch fishing and I’d prefer you lock the door as instructed.’

  ‘Then I’ll lock it from now on. What can I do for you?’ I asked with a sigh.

  ‘I’ve come to apologise, I upset you earlier. I’m just finding this situation rather challenging.’

  ‘This situation?’ I asked as he walked over and stood in front of me at the island.

  ‘I’m finding it hard to know what’s acceptable or unacceptable behaviour around you.’

  ‘Because you find me attractive?’ I asked and he looked at me, seeming taken aback by my directness. ‘We’re stuck with each other for another twenty-seven days Dan, and I’ve had enough lies in my life recently, I’d prefer that when we communicate we do so with honesty. So, is it because you find me attractive?’ I fixed him with a firm questioning stare and it was his turn to gulp and he lifted a hand and rubbed his mouth, his finger sensuously dragging across that delicious bottom lip.

  ‘Not just attractive, no,’ he replied with a shake of the head as he held my gaze, and I felt his look heating me up. ‘When I heard your voice answer your phone that day, I had fantasies about you. When I saw you coming out of that airport gate in that thin emerald blouse, that matched your stunning eyes, and I saw your nipples were erect my cock hurt I wanted you so badly. I still want you so badly Ellie, I want to fuck you until you scream at me to stop, to dig your nails into my backside as you hold on for dear life while I empty myself into you over and over. I want all of your orgasms to be mine and I want to bury my face between your legs and taste you for hours. Honest enough for you?’ he asked with a raised eyebrow and I nodded and whimpered as he tried to catch his breath. The look in his eyes as he bore into mine nearly made me combust, but he suddenly broke eye contact and looked down at the floor and put his hands palm down on the island opposite mine. ‘I’ve never had an in
stant reaction to someone like this before,’ he added quietly.

  ‘You really mean that?’ I whispered as my chest heaved and I imagined threading my fingers through his hair, drawing his tongue further into my sex.

  ‘Yes,’ he growled in an even lower sexier tone than normal.

  ‘I feel the same way too, Dan,’ I reached my hand out across the granite worktop, towards his fingers, and he quickly pulled them away.

  ‘That’s the problem, Ellie. I know that you want me, I knew it as soon as I spoke to you on the phone, the way you went all breathless and stammered, but I can’t do anything about it. We just can’t be together that way.’

  ‘You’re worried about your job? Surely your boss would understand if he’s your best friend?’ The tension simmering between us was reaching unbearable levels.

  ‘He’d think it was wrong if I took it further, it would cause him a lot of hurt.’

  ‘You’re bisexual and he’s your lover?’ I gasped.

  ‘No,’ he shot back firmly, and finally looked back at me and let out a small chuckle, then the serious look came over his face again. ‘It’s personal, I really don’t want to have to share my reasons, I’m just explaining why I’m blowing so hot and cold with you, it’s nothing you’ve done, you’re so sweet and honest and ….’ He blew out a big sigh and covered his face with his hands.

  ‘You told me earlier that I was brave for following my heart, Dan. If you really want me that badly, as badly as I want you, then take a chance, take me.’

  ‘Christ, Ellie,’ he spat as he looked at me with a mixture of hot carnal lust and pure despair. ‘You make it sound so damn simple and it’s not, it’s not simple at all.’

  ‘I don’t understand. We’re two consenting adults, no one else needs to know, and you’re single too, what’s the problem?’ I looked at him confused. He took a few quick steps back and I watched as he straightened up and those shutters started coming down again.

  ‘It’s not going to happen and I’m very sorry that I’ve given you the impression that it might, that was wrong of me. We need to discuss how we’re going to manage to get along for the next twenty-seven days given we’ve laid our cards on the table and it’s going to be awkward.’

  ‘Then I’d better not see you at all if that’s the way it’s going to be,’ I snapped and saw a look of hurt cross his face.

  ‘Fine,’ he snapped back. ‘We communicate by phone and I’ll only come up here if you need me.’

  ‘Don’t worry I packed my vibrator, I won’t need you, Dan,’ I bit, with a little more malice than I’d intended. I was feeling really hurt, rejected by two guys in one week was more than my fragile ego could handle at the moment.

  ‘Don’t be so damn childish,’ his voice boomed out.

  ‘Sorry, I thought it was one of the things you actually liked about me.’ I hopped down off my stool and made a beeline for the stairs and he grabbed my arm.

  ‘Don’t walk away like that, we haven’t finished discussing how we’re going to handle this.’

  ‘Not very well by the looks of it,’ I replied as I shook his hand off me, but before I knew it he pulled me up against his body, one arm around my waist and the other up my back, possessively clutching the base of my neck. I struggled to control my breathing as I felt the full length of his muscular body pressed against me and that erection digging into my belly button. I let out a small groan as all the blood pooled in my core and sent spikes of desire radiating out. His eyes flashed hungrily as he looked down at me and suddenly his mouth was on mine, deep, hungry, bruising and crushing kisses, taking all of my desire out and exchanging it with his own as he groaned into my mouth. I melted against his strong chest, gripping his large biceps as his tongue danced with mine, as if we’d been practicing for years. I could die happy right now. Then just as suddenly as he’d taken me, he let me go and pushed me away from him as he took a few steps back in the opposite direction, leaving me a quivering wreck. I stumbled backwards and let the supporting pillar do more than hold up the roof as I tried to piece together the fragments of my scattered brain. I must’ve only kissed inexperienced boys up until now, because that was a kiss like no kiss I’d ever experienced. He kissed like a man that knew his way around a woman’s body, and as I managed to focus my eyes from my stunned daze and look over at him, I knew he’d felt it too and the tent he’d created in his jeans had me groan in frustration. ‘What’s your deal?’ I demanded as I watched his chest heaving and his hand go down to squeeze his erection.

  ‘This is why I can’t be around you, I have no damn self-control and I can’t afford to be so tempted. From now on we speak only over the phone if you call me for official purposes only. I’ll be here twenty-four-seven with the exception of a daily four hour window from one until five p.m., during which time you’re on your own on the island. If you need groceries you call and provide me with a list of your requirements. I’ll collect them while I’m out and drop them outside your door and leave, the same for the wood if you need it. There’ll be no reason for you to see me again until I have to take you back to the airport. Are we clear?’

  ‘Perfectly,’ I replied as I felt some tears roll down my cheeks and immediately felt embarrassed. I saw his severe face soften as he saw the state of me. He stepped towards me, but I turned and ran upstairs and shut myself in the bathroom, locked the door and leaned back on it as I started crying properly. I sniffed as I heard his footsteps and then heard the door handle turn.

  ‘Ellie,’ he sighed softly, hearing his voice caress my name like that, the way he’d just caressed my neck and my lips was too hard.

  ‘Please go away Dan, you’ve made yourself perfectly clear and you’re right, it’s best we don’t see each other. I just had my emotions jerked around by one arsehole, I don’t need it from another.’ There was a lengthy silence and I heard what sounded like his forehead or hand bump gently on the door, followed by a heavy sigh and his voice whisper ‘I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you Ellie, please believe me.’

  I heard him go down the stairs and the front door lock. I slid down the door and curled up on the slate floor like a baby and bawled my eyes out, again. What the hell was wrong with me? I was an emotional volcano at the moment, spewing out random bursts of tears. I was out of one frying pan and straight into another. How could I have fallen for someone so quickly? I wondered. Someone I knew pretty much nothing about? “Because you’re feeling emotionally vulnerable after the whole Zac debacle, Dan’s fucking gorgeous and the sexual tension’s off the charts,” came Brooke’s voice in my head and I smiled through my snuffles. I had twenty-six and a half days left to do what I came here to do, so I sat up and blew out a deep breath and took in another. I wasn’t going to let Dan interfere with that, no matter how he made me feel. I went and picked up my iPad from where I’d left it next to the bath and replied to a frantic email from Brooke telling me off for not giving her our agreed morning message. I kept it simple, for now.

  I’m fine Brooke. I slept in, had a run and slept some more, I promise to keep on top of keeping you updated from now on. I hesitated, she was just going to mither me to death about Dan if I didn’t share and I really didn’t want to deal with her pestering me about him, so I did what I’d never done with my best friend and I lied. Nothing’s going to happen with Dan, he told me he’s unavailable as he’s gay, it was just a stupid rebound crush anyway, just like Zac was and look where that got me?! I’m better off without both of them and focussing on me for now. Update you tonight. Love you, miss you xx

  I went and sat at the desk, turned on my new charged phone and downloaded all of my contacts before setting up some new screen savers and wallpapers, that didn’t feature Zac. I looked up when I heard the noise of the outboard motor start up and watched Dan heading to the shore. Damn it, we’d never gotten around to my grocery list and I only had a bit of bread, some cheese and a couple of eggs left and I’d really wanted alcohol to numb the pain of rejection. I decided to go and explore the house prop
erly and tomorrow I’d start my proposed new career in earnest. I’d pretty much seen everything upstairs except for the owners’ clothes. I tried the desk drawers and cupboards but they were locked, except for the ones on the right which were open and empty.

  I headed downstairs and realised there was no TV in the lounge, so I wandered through to the cinema and library. I took my time running my fingers along the spines of all the books on the shelves, they all looked brand new, just out of their shrink wrap new. Why would someone spend all this money on a house, install a library with this many books and not read them? This guy was just as much a puzzle as Dan was. I could spend the next few weeks just curled up in here, or by the fire reading. I decided that was how I was going to spend this afternoon, there was nothing like a good book to lose yourself in, to let yourself be transported to another world and forget about the shit one you currently lived in. Given I could read an average book in a few hours, I’d be able to lose myself every night. I went and got my clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer and realised that there was another door to a room sandwiched between the utility and cinema room. I tried the handle but it was locked, so I figured maybe it was just a storage room for some of the owner’s personal effects.

  I went and made myself a bacon sandwich, leaving some cheese and eggs and a couple of slices of bread for my dinner and tomorrow’s breakfast and lunch, and shook my head. It was like being back home with my parents when we’d lived off beans and cheese on toast, when a roast once a month on a Sunday was the thing I most looked forward to. I picked up my locket, kissed it then took my sandwich and a black coffee into the cinema room and curled up in one of the seriously comfortable chairs and started reading. I was halfway through the book when I had to get up and put on the lights, it was coming up to four already. I snuggled back down and jumped out of my skin about an hour later when I heard a loud knock at the door. I put the book down, opened the cinema room door and peered out into the darkness of the large open plan room and cursed when I stubbed my toe on the stairway as I tried to make my way to the front door to find the light switches. I really needed to learn where they all were, and if there were candles and matches in the event of a power failure.