31 Days of Winter Page 10

  I groaned as I stood up, I needed to make myself get up and stretch more often, even at work I didn’t stay sitting in one position like that for so long. It was no good for anyone. I flipped on the lights above the stairs and headed down and prepared myself in case he was standing by the door again as I turned on the outside light, but he wasn’t. There was a load of shopping bags on the ground. I opened the door and carried them in, making a number of trips, before relocking the door and remembering to remove the key. I unpacked everything, feeling happier now I’d got some decent cooking ingredients in. I went to screw up the bags and felt something still in the bottom of one. I fished inside and found a small envelope with “Miss Baxter” written on it again in his handwriting, inside was another letter and some change from the food shopping.

  You asked me why? I could tell you it was for a whole load of stupid reasons if that would help you stop thinking of me in that way, but the truth is there’s only one reason and it’s something personal that I don’t want to discuss. If it means that much to you then I’ll go against my better judgement and tell you, but I don’t think you’ll thank me for it, and I don’t want to ruin your getaway. I’d prefer that you just accept that it would hurt me to discuss it and see if we can try and get along for the remainder of your stay. I’m lonely too.

  I frowned at his last three words, had I actually vocalised that to him? Or was it that obvious how lonely I was feeling that he’d picked up on it? I rapped the letter on the worktop and sighed before picking up the phone and dialled him.

  ‘Miss Baxter, was everything okay with your shopping?’

  ‘Yes, perfect thank you, but you’ve given me too much change.’

  ‘I told you that the hamper was an apology, you don’t owe me for that. How can I help you, do you need more logs?’

  ‘More logs?’ I laughed. ‘I haven’t used any.’

  ‘You don’t like fires?’ He sounded surprised.

  ‘I don’t know how to light them. I’m a city girl. I live in a modern apartment building with a gas fire, or rather I lived in,’ I added, as I was reminded of the fact that I was now homeless.

  ‘Would you like me to come and show you how to light one?’

  ‘I’d like to talk about your letter before I answer that.’ I waited for him to say something, but all I could hear was his deep breathing down the phone and he sounded slightly panicked. ‘It’s not what you think, Dan. I’m not going to ask you to tell me, it’s your own private business and you should be able to not discuss it if that’s what you choose to do, but I am lonely, just like you. If we can agree that we’re going to set aside our attraction to each other and not pressure or taunt the other into a situation that could lead to us acting on it again, then I’d like to be friends with you. If you’d like that too, maybe we could agree to spending a few hours a day together as friends for companionship. Walking, running, eating or whatever. God, sorry I’m waffling.’

  ‘I don’t mind, it’s nice to hear someone else’s voice for that long.’

  ‘How long have you been out here alone?’

  ‘Too long. I’ll be honest with you, I’m not much of a talker or sharer, I prefer to do the listening.’

  ‘Does that mean that we can be friends if I’m just going to chew your ear off for a few hours every day?’ I asked and he laughed.

  ‘As long you don’t wander around in that tiny shirt with no underwear again, or invite me over when you have sex hair and flushed cheeks and talk about your vibrator, sure.’ I laughed this time.

  ‘Then you need to not chop wood shirtless or use the phrase “come with me” so often, and you’ll have to start calling me Ellie again.’ He laughed again.

  ‘Then it sounds like we have a deal, Miss … Ellie,’ he corrected himself and I closed my eyes to hear my name on his lips again. Hell, this was going to be difficult.

  ‘Have you had your dinner?’ I asked.

  ‘I was about to do some beans on toast.’

  ‘Is that all?’

  ‘I’ve never been much of a cook. When I have to look after myself I live off toast topped with either cheese, beans or egg or a variety of sandwiches and soup, or Pot Noodle.’

  ‘Well I’m an amazing cook, and modest with it too before you say anything. Why don’t you come up here and I’ll make us both dinner every night, that can be our friend time. I really need to keep my head down during the day and you have your thing in the afternoon.’

  ‘My thing?’

  ‘Wherever you disappear to, and again, if you wanted me to know you’d have told me so I’m not going to pry. Deal?’

  ‘Deal. What time do you want me?’

  ‘God damn it, we weren’t even a second into our friendship and you’re asking inappropriate questions again. Come in half an hour, shit now I’m doing it,’ I groaned and he laughed again. ‘Is there anything you don’t eat?’

  ‘I’m not fussy when it comes to food.’

  ‘Then I’ll see you in half an hour, just friend Dan.’ I put the phone down quickly. He still made everything sound like sex even when he wasn’t trying. I looked down at my outfit, my thick woolly tights again and denim shorts were my comfy lounging outfit and no guy ever found tights sexy. My black jumper wasn’t too tight so my breasts weren’t as obvious as when I’d been wearing the clinging polo neck yesterday, so at least he wouldn’t think I was teasing him. Well this had to be a first, me dressing down for dinner and going without makeup when a hot guy was coming over. Hot friend Ellie, hot friend, I repeated to myself as I made a start in the kitchen. I was so engrossed in my cooking that I jumped again when he knocked the door and I felt nervous as I walked to get it. Was this really a good idea? I unlocked the door and opened it, and watched him step inside.

  ‘How did you know it was me?’ he asked as I pushed it to.

  ‘Who else would be knocking on a deserted island in the dark?’ I turned to look at him and bit my lip. He’d shaved all that stubble off and the shape of his jaw was so impressive.

  ‘You ok?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, I just … you look different without your stubbly beard. How old are you?’ I asked. He frowned as he looked at me. ‘Am I allowed to ask any questions at all?’

  ‘That was another question,’ he smiled. ‘I’m thirty-four.’

  ‘If I ask something you don’t want to talk about then just tell me, ok? Easy as that.’

  ‘Easy as that,’ he repeated and I nodded. ‘Something smells really good.’

  ‘I’ve made meatballs in a marinara sauce with spaghetti, quick and easy given I only had half an hour to prepare it.’

  ‘Quick and easy?’ he laughed.

  ‘You really don’t cook at all?’ I asked as I walked back to the kitchen and stirred the bubbling pot of meatballs.

  ‘No.’

  ‘When was your last hot cooked meal? Other than hot sandwiches or stuff on toast?’

  ‘About a week ago when I met a friend for my birthday lunch.’

  ‘A week?’ I exclaimed as I looked around shocked and he just shrugged as he pulled out one of the bar stools on the other side of the island and sat down. ‘But you’re ... you’re …’ I shook my head.

  ‘I’m what?’

  ‘A man! A big strapping man at that. Men like you can’t get by on one decent hot meal a week.’

  ‘I eat a lot of sandwiches, I can get through nearly two loaves of bread a day,’ he shrugged. I burst out laughing again and he chuckled.

  ‘How do you stay in shape on that crappy diet?’ I asked as I tasted my sauce and smacked my lips. Out of habit I reached across and offered the spoon to him, just like I used to with Zac. He looked surprised and leaned forward and tried some and his eyes lit up. ‘Good?’

  ‘Really good,’ he nodded.

  ‘So your fitness?’

  ‘In spring and summer I run around the island a few times, swim in the loch when it’s hot and I use the gym most mornings, all seasons.’

  ‘You’re telling me that li
ttle boathouse has a gym in it?’

  ‘No, there’s a gym in a building in the centre of the island, up behind the house.’

  ‘Wow, your friend has some serious dough.’

  ‘He does.’

  ‘What’s his name?’ I asked as I drained the spaghetti.

  ‘That’s one of those areas I’ll decline to answer. He likes his privacy.’

  ‘Ok, I guess you can’t tell me what he does either?’

  ‘No, sorry.’

  ‘Do you want any wine? Red or white?’

  ‘I prefer red if you don’t mind.’

  ‘Then why don’t you uncork it and help yourself while I plate up, I’m a white girl if you can fill me a glass.’

  ‘Sure.’ He joined me this side of the island and smiled down at me as he reached up to get some glasses, with the familiarity of someone who’d spent some time in here with his friend. I tensed up when his hip brushed against mine and felt him stiffen as well and I quickly stepped away and got the plates out of the oven trying to regulate my breathing. Just being in the same room as him had my entire body primed for sex. I’d never experienced anything like it. I loaded them up, putting a massive helping on his plate and a small one on mine. I’d done enough for four meals, thinking I’d freeze two, but given he’d been living on sandwiches he needed a decent meal. When I turned around he’d put placemats out and was sitting on the other side of the island with his glass of red and my place setting was opposite, probably good that we had the island between us, but this meant that I had to look at his gorgeous face while we were talking.

  ‘Here you are, I did you a decent portion.’ I smiled as I passed his over.

  ‘Thank you, Ellie,’ he smiled back, waiting for me to take my place. ‘To friends,’ he raised his glass as he looked at me and I raised mine back.

  ‘To friends,’ I replied and almost laughed when I realised that we were both faking it. I could feel his desire for me without even looking into his eyes and I was sure he could feel mine. I put my head down and we started eating in silence as I tried to focus on anything but the extraordinarily handsome and sexy guy sitting a few feet away from me.

  ‘Are there any seconds?’ he asked and I looked up to see he’d already cleared his plate, whereas I still had some left. He must have inhaled it.

  ‘Christ, you were hungry.’ I went to get up and he immediately stood up.

  ‘Stay where you are, I can help myself while you finish eating. Are you sure you don’t mind?’

  ‘No, of course not.’

  ‘Would you like some more?’

  ‘No, I’m good thanks, go for it.’

  ‘So, are you thinking of accepting your Junior Partner deal when you get home?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I replied honestly as I scraped my plate. ‘My boss was … challenging, though he was very kind to me on Monday when I handed in my resignation.’

  ‘Why do you think that was?’ he asked as he sat back down with another virtually full plate. Man, he had an appetite. I wondered if his sexual appetite was just as voracious.

  ‘I guess he valued me more than he’d shown me in the past.’

  ‘You’re good at your job?’

  ‘I’d like to think so, yes. I’ve chosen and edited a few bestsellers this year and I’ve been headhunted a lot over the years to move to other firms on better packages.’

  ‘Why didn’t you go?’ he asked, he hadn’t even looked up yet from his plate of food. Was he that out of touch that he didn’t realise it was considered polite to look at someone as you spoke to them, or to at least look interested as you replied?

  ‘Because he was blackmailing me with a tape of us having sex on his desk,’ I lied and smiled as Dan’s fork dropped onto his plate and he looked up at me shocked. ‘Sorry, I was just checking that you were actually listening, you seem more engrossed in your dinner than conversation.’

  ‘So, that’s not true?’

  ‘No,’ I laughed. ‘But my meatballs are obviously more interesting than me.’

  ‘I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t interested Ellie, I’m just not used to holding two way conversations.’

  ‘What other kind are there?’ I asked puzzled at his statement.

  ‘Then if he wasn’t blackmailing you to stay, and was that bad a boss, why didn’t you leave?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I shrugged.

  ‘I think you do,’ he replied as he cleared his plate, again.

  ‘Meaning?’ I frowned and he looked up at me this time.

  ‘I think you like the security of a stable relationship in your life, work or personal, and shy away from anything that threatens to take that away from you, or make you face change.’

  ‘So what, you studied psychology at Uni?’ I bristled, pissed off that he seemed to understand me so quickly when I knew virtually nothing about him.

  ‘No, just an educated guess. You stayed in a job you hated and you’re considering going back after the boss makes one nice gesture and you’ve not made up your mind about the arsehole fiancé who treated you appallingly, and you may even consider taking him back if he grovels enough.’ He picked up his wine and glugged some back as he watched for my reaction.

  ‘Junior Partner is a big deal.’

  ‘You could make Junior Partner elsewhere, or go straight in as one if you’re as good as you say.’

  ‘I am that good,’ I retorted, annoyed at his insinuation.

  ‘Good, you’ll need that fire in your belly if you’re going to break out of your rut and change things.’

  ‘I’ve already broken out of my rut, I came here didn’t I? I left my home of five years, my job of four and took a flight to God only knows where, and if I had to contact emergency services I couldn’t even tell them where I am.’

  ‘You’re getting angry,’ he observed with a sexy cock of his head.

  ‘Damn right, you’ve known me for probably the combined total of less than a day.’

  ‘Was I right about the job?’

  ‘Yes, but …’

  ‘The arsehole?’ he interrupted.

  ‘His name’s Zac.’

  ‘Fine, Zac Arsehole,’ he said firmly and I laughed. ‘So you’re not going to go back to him?’

  ‘No,’ I replied and broke eye contact with him.

  ‘That didn’t sound confident Ellie, and you’re still wearing your engagement ring.’

  ‘It doesn’t mean anything,’ I shrugged.

  ‘It does, or you would have taken it off.’

  ‘It’s a nice ring.’

  ‘Wear it on the other hand then,’ he shrugged, as if it were that simple. I looked at him and opened my mouth and closed it again. ‘What were you going to say?’

  ‘You obviously don’t understand.’

  ‘So make me.’

  ‘Why? Why is it that important to you?’

  ‘Because I care about you and I don’t want you to go home not having resolved your misguided remaining feelings for Arsehole. If you don’t, you’ll probably feel sorry for him, believe more of his lies and go back to a life that doesn’t satisfy you.’

  ‘Dan, this time last week, we were sitting together having dinner, drinking wine and talking, just like this. We were engaged to be married, with plans for a cottage in the country with children. It’s been less than a week for Christ’s sake.’ I quickly stood up and grabbed my plate and turned around to the sink, fighting back the tears.

  ‘You’re clinging to the life you could have had Ellie, not the life you would have had. You said he’s been cheating on you with prostitutes, doing drugs, blowing your savings, lying about his job, is that the kind of guy you really want to have kids with?’

  ‘No, but what if there were extenuating circumstances and I just didn’t know it? What if I’d really been there for him? I could have stopped this downward spiral. What if I caused it? I mean he’d rather have sex with prostitutes than me and I …’ I choked back a sob and heard his stool scrape back, then footsteps. I closed my eye
s as he pressed up behind me and wrapped his arms around my upper shoulders. ‘Don’t,’ I whispered as the smell of spice and laundry filled my nostrils, and my body softened against his hard one behind me.

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you again. I just think if he could do all of that to you he doesn’t deserve you, and he’s probably been doing it for longer than you think. If you hadn’t caught him on Friday would you have been here now, trying something you really wanted for yourself?’

  ‘No,’ I sighed as I turned my head and felt his firm chest against my cheek.

  ‘So you don’t put your own needs first?’

  ‘Not usually, no, taking care of people’s what I do.’ I gulped as I felt the warmth of his breath on my cheek and let out a small sigh of contentment. How could this stranger make me feel so safe and worth something? He placed a kiss on the top of my head and suddenly let me go. Cool air replaced where his warm body had been seconds before and I felt the loss immediately.

  ‘I think I should go,’ he whispered.

  ‘But you only just got here,’ I exclaimed as I turned around, but I knew why the minute my eyes spotted his erection in his jeans and I looked up and saw the fire in his eyes.

  ‘I’m really sorry, but I need to. Please don’t shed any more tears over that guy Ellie, he’s not worth even one of them. Thanks for a really amazing dinner, I’ll see you tomorrow.’ I bit my lip and nodded and watched him walk to the door, he hesitated for a moment. ‘Are you going to be ok?’ he asked without looking back at me.

  ‘I will be soon, thank you. Goodnight, Dan.’

  ‘Night Ellie, lock the door behind me please, and leave the key in,’ he ordered and quickly stepped out, walking away leaving it wide open with the freezing air rushing in. I ran over, closed it and locked it and stood with my fingers on the key. Why had he said to leave it in? He’d been pretty insistent that he didn’t want me to leave it in so he could get in if there was a problem. I looked up quickly and stared at the darkness as I realised he was worried that he’d be tempted to come back in for me and what it might lead to. He blew like a Sirocco he was that inconsistent.